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How to help your partner

How to help your partner

How do you know if your spouse is depressed and what can you do to help? There are a number of healthy ways to help your partner seek therapy, open up about emotions, and help them work together depression.

Your Spouse Is Depressed

Sudden changes in your spouse’s daily habits or behavior can be premature signs of depression, says Rabbi Misha L. Ben-David, life coach and pastoral counselor at LCDes, Neshama Counseling and Coaching, Austin (TX).

“You’ll find that they’re eating or drinking differently, behaving sadder, or isolated. They may avoid contacting you. Some throw themselves into individual activities or hobbies or compulsive behaviors, such as buying cars or spending a lot of money,” he says.

Suddenly, it can start with your partner:

  • He often seems to cry or get very angry
  • Lack of energy or interest in the activity
  • Lose concentration or focus
  • Sleep more often or very little
  • Drink more alcohol than in the past or consuming drugs
  • Loss of interest in sex

Avoid the Living Circle

If your spouse’s depression turns away from you or anger erupts all the time, it’s easy to get hurt and feel like a stranger and react to similar behaviors, says Dr. Jacques Barber, dean of the Gordon F. Derner School of Psychology at Adelphi University in Garden City. , NY.

“This can create a vicious circle and create a spouse depression even more depressed, alienated, angry, and backward, ”she says.“ You have to realize that it’s very difficult to deal with depression, and that your partner isn’t doing something malicious. It’s depression. If someone gets angry with you all the time, you want to get angry again! But remember: Depression is not contagious. This will not last forever and can be treated. It’s easy to blame yourself. But most couples are still alive. “

Should you arrange an intervention with other friends and relatives to approach your spouse’s depression about problems? Be careful before taking this step, says Ben-David.

“It simply came to our notice then. It is more important to observe and report what you have noticed. Say, “I’ve seen him more dizzy and unhappy.” Talk about the changes you’ve seen, ”he says. It is okay to share your feelings as well and let your spouse know that you are hurt by specific behavioral changes. “Tell them” We don’t have to sex jada. You don’t spend time with me. ‘

They can deny the problem

Ben-David says a depressed spouse may deny that they have a problem.

“Depression or mental health they don’t want to “fix” the problems. You may want to be heard. If your partner is in the process of hearing, if you hear things that are very painful to handle, turn to a professional for help, ”she says.“ Your spouse may not identify his or her behaviors as depressed. If they are playing with sex, drinking, drugs or food, they may say, ‘I need this. It relieves me stress. ‘”

Encourage your spouse to seek the help and diagnosis of a mental health professional. They can start speech therapy and, if necessary, the prescription medication says Barber. Make an appointment psychologist, a psychiatrist, counselor, or family doctor for diagnosis, and get started therapy.

“Psychotherapy and medication have shown that depression works better than cure. Without talking, medication will not help,” Barber says, adding that medications may be more appropriate to treat people with severe depression.


Some couples choose to do therapy together, especially if depression has caused sexual problems in marriage, such as an affair, says Ben-David. Your depressed partner prefers to do individual therapy. If they are fighting addiction, they need to treat this before they can deal with depression, he says.

“There’s no quick fix. Some people can take a medication for depression, and it doesn’t work, or they go to therapy and it doesn’t work. You have to be persistent,” says Ben-David.

Stay positive and active

If your spouse refuses to go to therapy? You feel hopeless, but try to stay positive, because depression can be cured, Barber says. Although your spouse should continue therapy and / or medication for several months, 90% of people with depression improve with treatment.

“The most important thing is to give love. You will feel excluded. But it’s the situation, and their behavior is just part of depression, ”he says.“ Encourage yourself. Invite them to do more fun activities together. Do something similar active. exercise. Depression often causes lethargy. Invite your spouse for a walk or a walk near the beach. “


Ben-David says whether or not your spouse agrees to go to therapy to do some things you shouldn’t do in response to anger or denial.

“Avoid blaming or attacking their guilt. Don’t keep saying, ‘You did this and it made me feel bad’. Negotiating with them is also not helpful. Taking nothing or nothing doesn’t work, ”he says.“ Instead, suggest healthy activities that you can do together or with trusted friends. Go to an outdoor concert or listen. music that you both like it. Sometimes one of the behaviors prescribed to couples is to read to each other. This has a nutritious quality and can help bond. “

Practice self-care

It is important to take care of yourself while helping your spouse with depression. You can choose to start therapy to express how you feel about your marriage and find ways to deal with it.

Here are some tips for staying emotionally and physically healthy:

  • Get enough sleep
  • Exercise regularly
  • Eat a healthy and balanced diet
  • See self-help books for spouses of depressed spouses


Don’t view spouse depression as a negative reflection of your value as a partner or person, says Ben-David.

“This can be very personal for you. If your spouse is playing, these behaviors can feel like an attack on you. You feel like you have to take care of that. It is important mental health professional if you blame your spouse for depression, “says Ben-David.” Sometimes two people in a couple can get depressed. Maybe there can be a lot of problems that you both have to deal with. “

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